Ok this song has been in my head for two mornings in a row now. Am I supposed to get some sort of message- or did I just infact have a soul shake down party in my sleep?  I think the message is that I have experienced both. minus the shaking and the partying, but just big on the soul feeling relaxed. Thats the best way I can describe my experience here. I'm having fun with the little cousins and granny, have a meeting tomorrow....fingers crossed, but if I don't get it- well the universe knows best I guess...Anywho enjoy this wee remix, and remember to give your soul a little party every now and then. I really forgot that part this past year. Oh and I also found out I am gluten intolerant! Rashes, breaking out in sweats, bloatedness, and puffiness - wooo really gotta watch what I eat now xx

 

You got heart...and you're going your own way

 

Never cared too much for Lady G - but I guess if you add Tony B, magic happens. Musical combo win! x

I woke up with this song in my head. For no particular reason....but I know that whenever Billie holiday seeps in, something good is coming my way. Enjoy x

I write again on this foreign keyboard. Going from right to left. hah.Also going from italics to normal. My brain is hurtin. Ok, now to my actual post. Yesterday was  a magical day. I literally could feel single fibers of my soul healing. I went to my uncles friends farm here in Jordan. Wish I could upload a photo, but forgot my damn phone charger. Anyway, we cooked kebab the traditional way on a tanoor, or an underground oven, and my dad and uncles made kebab on an open fire. I spend most of the time sitting next to my aging bibi (grandma) under a date tree.  She told me a lollybag mix of stories from her past. Some were sad and some were so incoherent ..she drifted in and out of thought, and at one point asked if my dad was drunk... it was hilarious. god I love family. and culture. I also learnt that the man who owned the farm, and his wife who were sitting in our presence laughing and being wonderful hosts, had just lost their daughter. The husband had accidentally backed up on the driveway and hit her. It was such a sad story, but I was so humbled to be around them . Around my entire family, as they reminisced about the good old Iraq under the date tree. It was just unexplainable how bitter sweet the atmosphere was.Iraqis are so strong. I guess God knew that when he dealt us our fate. I wish we were sitting under a date palm tree in Iraq though.

This song from ABBA always reminds me of my uncles,.. I first heard it when we were stopped at a checkpoint in Iraq the last time I went in 2003. It was really dangerous at that time, because that was where most bombs would go off, and I had just seen one go off infront of us 4 days ago. My uncle could tell I was scared so he turned up the radio really loud, and this song was on. To distract me, he started singing the song below in his best English accent... 

   . 

. In Jordan now. Writing on a strange keyboard, but feel so at home.speaking a language that makes me feel familiar and welcome. My mind does drift back to NZ from time to time, and I wonder if I can live here. I realize that with family I can be anywher. I am really confused at how this keyboard is operating, and there is a strange fullstop lurking about. It feels kind of figurative. Anyway, heres a song that always reminds me of being in the middle east. I dont know why its this song, but here you are. Enjoy , even though you may not understand. . see strange things are happening here. x

Yesterday I came home. For now, lets say that this is Auckland New Zealand. Tomorrow, I fly to Amman, Jordan.....a home my family has had to adopt after the war in Iraq. Next month - who knows where home will be...Right now, I just want to feel at home with myself. Not justify anything, or struggle with my choices....just let my self assuredness quietly tell others who I am and where I want to be. I am on the edge of chaos and uncertainty. I am on the brink of endless possibility. I have never been more excited/scared/alone/confused/content/numb. Its a strange feeling - but I know the universe is not letting me run away from my destiny. I feel like I'm standing infront of a tornado yelling 'COME AT ME BABY, COME AT ME!'. 


On that note.....


The next two songs always remind me of home....Enjoy x