These past few days have been a whirlwind.

I've cried tears of joy, regret, fear and sadness.

I've laughed and felt hopeful, and I've also felt so damn scared. 

I've questioned my ability to do  the job discussed. 

I've questioned my credibility.

I have not been offered anything, but If I am - will I say yes? 

And If I do - will it be the right path to take? 

Will I fail once more, and return home? Where is home? 

The brief trip to Switzerland gave me a taste of life on the road, but I just want a simple life at home. It also gave me a bigger bite of loneliness. I don't mind being alone.

I just don't want to feel lonely.

 I want children and a husband, I want to spend more time with my family.

But I also want adventures, I want to travel and I want to change the world. 

Will I be given the chance to do that? 

Will the decision be made for me? A simple 'sorry, we don't think you are right for the role'..

I don't know what I want. Every positive post below seems foreign to me now. 

I am scared.I am hopeful. I am excited. But if it is a no - then I will follow the next path. 

Just a few moments ago - I received my airline ticket for a job interview in Lucerne. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE RANDOMNESS OF LIFE!!! I FEEL LIKE I'm on fire!! I'll keep you posted. I've got my head in the clouds, and I'm not backing down.....x

I feel like I'm floating through existence
I feel like I'm living after time
I feel like I'm forced to break the silence
Is that a crime? Is that a crime?
I feel like we're all following shadows
And shadows they don't know where to go
I feel like I'm waiting for tomorrow
While today wastes away

I got a call today, that could potentially change the course of my life. If this is the next leg of my journey/destiny, then  I trust you Allah/Universe to direct me. If it's good for me, I want it. I WANT IT. I WANT IT. I will update you all soon, once I know for sure. Right now, I am scattering my wishes across the universe. And I won't worry, about a thing. x

Rise up this mornin',

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true,

Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

I hate that I always count my chickens before they hatch. I hate that! I wish I could just contain my excitment some days and stop dreaming far beyond the promises. I feel like I am bungy jumping with my thoughts but instead of feeling what I do, and keeping it to myself, I'm like bungy jumping and telling everyone how I feel, every step of the way down. I can't gt it in my head that you don't always have to fill the silence. Calm down girl! Steady does it.

Oh chariot, your golden waves

Are walking down

Upon this face.

Oh chariot, I'm singing out loud.

To guide me

Give me your strength.



Ps. I don't particularly like the video for the song below, but it is engaging and entertaining. Here is a bit of a read on it. http://www.refinery29.com/2012/10/37934/lana-del-rey-ride-video

I was in the winter of my life

and the men I met along the road were my only summer.

At night I fell asleep to visions of my self dancing and laughing and crying with them. 

I was a singer.

Not a very popular one.

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet...

But upon an unfortunate series of events,  

I saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky....

that I wished on...over and over again...

Sparkling and broken...

But I didn't really mind, because I knew that it takes everything you ever wanted, and losing it - to know what true freedom is.

There is no use talking to people who have a home.

They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people.

For a home to be wherever you lay your head.

I was always an unusual girl.

my mother told me I had a chameleon soul.

No moral compass pointing to the north.

No fixed personality. 

Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean.

And If I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way,

I'd be lying.

Because I was born to be the other woman.

I belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone,

who had nothing, 

who wanted everything. 

it was a fire for every experience, 

and an obsession for freedom 

that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it.

and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness

that both dazzled and dizzied me.