Ever had one of those days where you feel like all the color off you is melting and you are just a murky grey canvas? Today was sunny, but I broke down. I fell apart. I screamed like I had never done before. You will never be satisfied my dear. No matter how hard I try to please you, you will find something else to wish for, to change. I am under so much stress and so much pressure - to be this elusive daughter you yearn for. Time is ticking, and you are still ticking me off. Like a bomb I exploded. I have nothing left in me, and I am sick of bearing the burden of the issues you don't want to own up to. I am leaving to change my life. 2013 will be my year. I know it. 2012 has been the year of many changes, but I hope it was just to shape me for the year to come. I am done feeling guilty for the way I am, for the things I say, and for what I want to do. Emotionally, you have filled me with anger, your constant un-acceptance of me has made me the person I am today. Has given me my strength and perseverance to do what I want. But I am done allowing you to break me. 

I need a damn happy song to get me out of this mood.*le sigh*.

For whoever reads this, apologies for not posting in so long. I have been in London for work, visiting the schools. London. A city I never thought I'd see so soon. Oh life, your twists and turns are what I live for. 
London, 2012. Meeting old friends. Warm hugs, cold fronts. Double mattress. Blue door. Metro/tube & people galore. Cherry Jam. Markets and Photos. New girl. Polka dots. Gifts. Stone Hedge. Frozen. New friends. Love at first smile. Spain and black beauties. Heat and pain. Inspiration. Foxes and Squirrels. Ahoy. Tea and scones. Torbay/Torquay. Castles and carriages. Amazing students. Fear and excitement. Saying sorry when I didn't have to. Tears. Realization. Growth. Cat. Onsie. Learning to love the skin I'm in. Getting more comfortable from within. Eating better. Getting over chocolate. Faithful boots. Relentless. Oblivious. Dreamy transcendence. The view from the morning, and view from the afternoon. Everyone to themselves. Changes as quick as a gust of wind. History. History. Love. Money. Money. Money. Confusion. Wicked Laughter. Sleep deprivation. Awkwardness and moving forwardness. All the way to business class baby. 

Then I went to Dubai.  Opulence. Fakeness. Excitement and Fear.  Waiting as the Dubai fountain shows off and beckons. Singing the song below. 

I was walking back from lunch today, and I thought about love at first sight. I realized that once upon a time I believed in it. I wanted it. I fantasized about the possibility of it. But now I just smile it off. Think of it as an old wives tale. I don't mean this in a morbid sad way - but I justify it  in a realistic ' I'm all grown up' way. 

Then I watched this video by my dear friends Keshia&Karlos. Love at first sound. Love at first sight. I thought back to your wedding. You guys brought me back to that dreamer dean. You made me believe in soul mates and destiny again. One of my favorite Etta James covers and you guys made me love it even more. So heres to you guys, to love, to music, and laughter. Miss you. Please keep spreading the love with your music x

Can I wade (wait?) in your water, can I wade in your water, can I wade in your waterrr, till I catch a waaave!!  Been listening to this song so much....Calms me down!

I can feel summer coming along, and I wont be here :( Best part of NZ! Oh well...I feel good things coming this way! Enjoy some Kiwi coolness x

So Saturday the 10th of November I attended the best concert ever! Coldplay in Mt Smart stadium. Such amazing performers. I wish I was on the field though....we were seated. Oh well...still breath taking. I went with my childhood friend Nour and my good friend Areego - Nour had had a rough day. We used to sit on my window sill and watch the stars as we listned to 'parachutes' and 'a rush of blood to the head' ..... there were lots of tears. Lots of staring into the sky. Lots of love. Lots of gratitude.

This was my favourite. Well these two x

I've been a sick for the past week. I have a chest infection, but it is not too serious, and i'll be better tomorrow (fingers crossed). Anyway, in light of the elections yesterday, and having Obama for another 4 years (no comment on politics, because in the end every American president is a puppet), I woke up this morning and remembered a time when I was revolutionary. When I read my poem about the war in Iraq and protested. When I led a protest down Queen st. When I took over the chants from a protester burning flags. I found the poem I wrote about the war. I was so passionate back then. I had such a great voice. I hope that spark stays with me in Dubai. That passion for the people. I will keep in mind that school I will start. When Obama talked about Education, about opportunity - regardless of his place in the world, he spoke the truth. Education is the gateway to opportunity, and I am going to make the Middle East the pinnacle of knowledge once again. Wow. Oprah? I got a bit too inspired by Obama I think. Sounds like I'm trying to run for president. Damn he's a great speaker. It's scary how people can be duped/moved/inspired/conned by a few good words. And on that note, I shall bid you adieu x

Ps. This is a great video.  

It has been a crazy, beautiful, blessed tornado of emotions and opportunity. These past few weeks. I got the job. I am moving to Dubai next year. Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. I just follow the direction of the universe. I am scared for my new role, but after much self doubt and fear, I am ready to succeed. I am ready to try try try. I am ready to make things happen and to live the life I have always wanted. I will be great. I will open up my own school in Iraq , 2020. I know I will. I will give war torn children the same opportunity I had. And it all starts with education. Everything happens for a reason. And I won't reason with reason. I will simply believe it. Believe in it. And move with it. Stay beautiful friends. Stay motivated. Stay alive. Don't just exist amd sit like perfect words on those lines x