Monsoon

Saturday morning started a little slow for me. I had all these grand plans, but I had woken up late from the night before. The night before I went to a beachside club, where I found myself in a Zoo of confused souls. Party goers - looking for a one night stand, looking to cheat, looking to drink, on a holiday or looking for a fling. Maybe some delusional souls, such as myself,  looking for true love in the worst of places. It was nice to be out though. It's not my scene, but sometimes I think - why not? The alternative is to sit at home and read a book or watch TV. I'm here, I'm gona make the most of it.  Met some interesting boys, and girls - then went home.

Anyhow, lets go back to yesterday. I woke up late as mentioned, and before I knew it - I had to go to the dentist with a gay friend from work. He's very dramatic and bitchy, and I can't decide if I want to get close to him or not - he's not popular at work, but whatevs, for the most part he makes me laugh. The dentist re-did my fillings and I felt a little better. Oh, and by the way - there was a huge sand storm in Dubai that day. 

Straight after, I went to meet my friend from work to go to the Amr Diab concert. Amr Diab was my first exposure to Arabic music, and I'm sure to a lot of foreigners with the song 'habibi ya nour el ein' (see below). His music was that perfect bridge for when I was at the epicentre of being an Irakiwi. We got to the concert at 7, and the sand storm continued as we stood. It then started raining - heavily. Dense, muddy rain. Now, the concert was outdoors, and the majority of the people were Egyptian, as the singer was. In my mind I thought, surely they have to cancel this concert! But the rain poured on and we stood - as if having a communal shower outdoors. 

Some people left, there were alot of people with kids - but they stayed on and smiled. We waited 6 hours for him to come on - due to technical difficulties. I took it upon myself to start complaining - having lived in a Western country, where it would have been cancelled, and everyone demanded their money back as they are not used to this type of poor organisation. But then I looked beside me - I was standing next to a beautiful little girl and her family, and she was smiling with them. The dad was holding up her little sister in the rain and laughing. They were there, just like me - in the rain. Then I looked ahead - as the music slowly started to play and the band set up and he began to sing at midnight, as it continued to pour with rain - a family of four started dancing. Young kids splashing in the rain. The Egyptian crowd staying on and making the most of the situation. Doing the "dabka" - a traditional Arabic dance. And then I smiled. It was so beautiful. Everyone was singing in the rain. It's exactly how I think of Arabs now. We've been through so much shit, that we know a little rain never gets us down. Especially the Egyptians! They were awesome. The concert was great - but I still don't understand the poor organisation. I am a little sick today, but it was worth it I would say. 

The songs were mostly about love and missing your loved one, which made me get a little sad at times. I wished I was being lifted on the shoulders of my boyfriend, or  fiancée or husband - but I quickly stopped myself from these thoughts that pessimally remind me of what I don't have. I looked ahead at the little girl and boy dancing in the rain with their dad. I turned to my friend, who is 35, and had just broken up with her boyfriend, and we both knew we were thinking and wishing for the same thing. It's hard remaining positive when you feel like love might not come your way, like you may not have a family, but then you just have to believe it will happen. Have faith in life, and love and humanity. Just like a monsoon in this desert - your entire world can change in a second. 

Here's the song that started my love for Amr Diab, and also one he never sang :( - but I love. Enjoy x

This morning I woke up and felt a familiar slump. Its like I keep going to sleep at the altar of change and inspiration, and waking up in the basement of negativity. Forgetting to count my blessings. Felt crap for talking badly about others. But I stretched, prayed and did 70 sit ups. Then I said this is a new day so get on your way! It's another chance to change and become a better person. On that thought, I called my brother - haven't spoken to him and my mother for 2 weeks.. It was good to hear his voice. I said to him ''how's NZ , I miss it'. He said 'nah its lame - you're lucky you're in Dubai, Dubai is cool'. I said 'nah it sucks. I miss you'. And so he replied: " you're never happy wherever you are". My 15 year old brother just gave me the biggest insight into my life. I remembered talking to him about how depressed NZ made me, how many arguments with my parent's he'd witnessed. I remembered kissing his forehead every night before he went to sleep and tucking him in and telling him to please not talk to our parents the way I do. And he listened. God bless him. I miss him, and I'm glad I called him. 

Today was a good day. Talked to the boss and made a plan moving forward. It was a great conversation and I feel more comfortable in my position now. I feel like I shouldn't stress out so much. Take it day by day and do my best. Enjoy where I am and balance life and travel. I also read this awesome article : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/5-things-loving-yourself-actually-means/


So I end this again with a toast to life. A big cheers to being the master of your own destiny. Happiness come to me. I choose you. And If I ever find myself in the basement, I'm gonna turn it into a party baby. Enjoy every where you are. Going out to enjoy my Friday now x

From the movie " I'm not there": 

'People are always talking about freedom. Freedom to live a certain way, without being kicked around. Course the more you live a certain way, the less it feels like freedom. Me, uhm, I can change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time.'

'It's hard not to go to Hell.There's so many distractions,so many influences.Start walking right and pretty soon,there's someone gonna drag you down.Sure as we're living,sure as we're born,look up,look up.' 


I can't believe that for the first time ever, I listed to Bob Dylan. Listened to his lyrics. Drowned in the riot of his words.

Today I also realized what a snake I've become. Why do I feel the need to speak all the time? pointless words? stabs in the dark. Exaggerations at life. I need to step back. Take time out. Think before I say. Always speak kindly of others, and if you can't don't speak at all.

I cancelled my practice today with the guitarist. Think he's had a enough of this flaky insecure soul. I have no commitment. I have no goal. Now I'm giving up the one thing that makes me happy. But did it make me happy? 

I stood on balcony and watched a cigarette burn...like my day. 

Listen. Please listen and be smart. Be kind....remember to be kind. Words are not always necessary. 

I've been running most days. It has been so necessary. I need a goal. I need to follow the sound of the tambourine, back to who I've always been x

Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to 
Hey ! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

There are snakes around me, and I'm trying to just dance around the drama. Dubai is making me stronger and less naive. Realizing that nothing is what it seems. Don't pass judgement too soon. There's nothing you can't handle.

On that note, I went for a 3 k run today. God it felt good. It's about habit, and now I can't imagine not working out. Not eating right. Here's to health and positive change. Day by day. 

Song for the day - La vie en rose....because even though there might be snakes, I'd rather see life through rose coloured glasses, instead of being pessimistic. Good things are coming this way. I can feel it x

I woke up this morning and decided to watch Arab Idol auditions for some reason. This was an hour ago. I found myself crying - one after the next. It sounds stupid - but I just felt so damn proud to be Arabic. It hit me that I speak the language, I understand the words, and how I convey myself is sometimes so Arabic. Yes, I'm an Irakiwi, but I had forgotten this Arabic part of me, and I actually realized that I spent so long trying to distance myself from it. I suppose I felt that for once, I'm not part of the minority. It's strange that a stupid arab idol audition brought this out in me - but sometimes things become clearer to you in the strangest moments.

Here's an Iraqi Kurd and her interpreter singing. The interpreter wasn't meant to sing, but they asked him to - and they both made it through. The song he sings is about Iraq. 

x

The first song I dedicate to my friend Hanan. Every decision you make is necessary and planned by something external to you. Even if you think it's not ;) 

Thanks for reading and recommending the song below. 

The second song is the soundtrack for my mind when I get so stressed. When I think of my happy place (s). Day dreams include: driving on a scooter in the streets of Havana, walking around mayan ruins and colorful markets in Mexico, and walking through my little street in Spain. Don't forget your energy. Don't forget the person who always picks you up when you're down. The person that helps you survive the day. YOU. And don't forget that these journeys happened for a reason. And don't forget to dance. We all have to struggle before getting to where we want to be. If you have everything handed to you - you will never appreciate what you have in your hand. A lesson I'm learning and learning to apply. Thank you Anna and Sheema xxx

Firstly - I miss my dad. It's hard when I see my parents again. Reminds me how good I had it back home, and how much growing up I still need to do.

I am not sharing with you a song today, but wonderful words I just read. I always felt bad for not keeping busy. For procrastinating. For being lazy and having a low attention span. I also confused keeping busy with not wanting to be lonely. Ofcoarse, I am slowly realizing the value of money - thanks to my dad's recent visit, and after having to live in 3 different cities over the last 4 years (lets count Spain out because I was largely supported by my father)...supporting myself is important. Anyway - I've avoided growing up so much - and now it's time to own my decisions. I talked to an old friend yesterday, who I had not talked to in so long. I love talking to people who know me inside out - they slap me in the face and tell me to stop complaining and just change if I want, but they love me the way I am. Its hard continuously making, and keeping up with new friends - so sometimes it's good just to not explain or try.

All that aside, please read the great article below.I am one of those people who want to say I'm busy just to look important. At the same time, at this time in my life - It helps me to keep busy, but I still try to make time for fun. And going out . It's all about balance I guess. I have to feel Like I've earnt my pay. As much as I would love to live a bohemian existence right now, I cant afford to keep being selfish and spoilt. What I can afford is giving myself some peace of mind and tranquillity  Not keeping brain busy with negative thoughts. Enjoy x

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap

Ok Fine, for those who do don't want to read - here's a song that's been on repeat x