Peace and blessings manifest with every lesson learn,
If your knowledge were your wealth then it would be well earned

If we were made in his image then call us by our names
Most intellects do not believe in god but the fear is just the same

Oh on and on and on and on (my cypher keeps moving like a rollin stone)
Whew on and on and on and on (all night till the break of dawn)
I go on and on and on and on (my cypher keeps moving like a rollin stone)
Ohh on and on and on and on (godamnit imma sing my song)

I want to raise my glass and celebrate, but I am still leaping. I want to touch the ground, or smile as I soar past the stars. I need an answer, but I'll just leap into faith. Fate. Opportunity. My head is buzzing from the weekend of promises and dreams. I need some NZ on air. 

I don't know the way to go to make it to the other side

move on move on move on move on

see get get get get get get your money 

move on move on move on move on 

and I'm gonna raise my glass.

 I have been at my new job now for about 4 weeks. Everyday I go to work and I am smiling. I love the 3 people I work with, and I finally found a company I want to grow with. 
Today I was getting ready to meet management who had flown over from Sweden and USA to meet with us. They sat us down in a small all white room, in the crappy building where our office is located. The CEO that delivered the news was a beautiful, elegant, typical Swedish woman. She smelt like clean laundry. Pen in hand, I was ready to take my notes. Plan for the year ahead. 

Then she dropped the bomb. "We are shutting down Australia and NZ". 

Wow. This is what I found out just 7 hours ago. I had taken a huge risk to change my career. I dropped law, for an international company, and now I can only stay here till July next year? If that? There will be no work. Nothing to do as we slowly have to cancel the exchange program. 
I didn't know what to think. I mean, I thought about moving overseas - within the company, so I just expressed that to management. They said they'd try to help me find a job within the company somewhere overseas - but where will that be? Will that ever be? 

I don't really know what to think right now. I thought I had found my dream job. My dream company. I can't go back to law. What have the few last days been? 
Life is truely what happens when you are busy making other plans....

To top things off, we had an awkward dinner with management, as if to celebrate!? I tried to schmooze, but I was not in the mood. At one point the elegant Swedish CEO turned to me and said, " I watched a great Indian movie on the plane, and you know what? There was a great quote on there 'everything will work out in the end, and if it doesn't then its not the end!' ...then she raised her glass and said ''heres to new beginnings''. 
Whatever the hell that means. 

I'll keep you posted, but this song was what was going on through my head as the news was being delivered today. 

It was a Friday night, I was in the city ready to meet two of my good friends. We met up in a popular area for dinner. Auckland city was dead. It made me a little depressed. The people that were out were couples or just foreigners. Me and Jenn began to complain, and we just kept repeating that we are going to get out of here soon. And I am. I don't think that there is the energy and life here that I thrive on. There is my family, and there is safety, and that's it. If you are single, in your mid 20s and if you are not planning the next stage of your life, then its dead here. What made matters worse was that our good friend who had joined us told me that he is leaving to go live in the states in November. He had had enough. We counted all our friends overseas, and we were sure that our next journey, 2014 will not be in NZ. But for now, I will make the most of the routine, most of the friends I have here and most of my family. 

Anyway, all that is besides the point. We were struggling to find something to do after our dinner, so we decided to go for a walk. The only people out were bible bashers (some interesting conversations were had) and 13 year old teens in mini skirts. I gave my change to a beautiful sounding sax player, who seemed so out of place in the placid city. We walked around, and Auckland was actually trying so hard to look cool - but nothing was happening. There were new buildings, art galleries, restaurants, cafes, shops - but there were no people. And when we did find some, they were a couple - or rushing home from a late night at work, or frowning. So we continued to complain. We met a tourist from Argentina who had just arrived, who talked to us for a bit...but we put him off Auckland I think. haha. Anyway, the only cool peple I meet are foreigners! Point is, we walked back to my car - and I was going to drop them home. ABBA was blasting from my little pink car so I decided to turn it up and drive through Queen st and wake the people of Auckland up. Me and my two friends, put on our sunglasses, pulled down our windows, turned up ABBA and we drove up and down the city pouring smiles and peace signs from the car and stereo. It was so great to see people with their head down walking, look up and smile. Some people danced, some laughed, did the peace sign. An old couple didn't look too happy in the cold, and when we drove past they couldn't stop smiling! Next time we are going to tape it and put it on here....project happiness. It turned out to be a great night! making people smile is much needed, and we created our own fun instead of complaining! No alcohol or drugs were used! Thanks ABBA x

I always save my favorite part of a plate of food till last. I never use my expensive perfume, or wear my best dress, because I'm always saving them for a special occasion. I do the same with shoes. In particular the ones in the picture below. I've had them sitting in my closet for three years, and have never worn them. This morning I thought, what better occasion than waking up to today? And this song was stuck on replay in my head. Enjoy x

For some strange reason today, I started watching videos of lady Gaga. I still don't think shes great, but I do think shes talented and manipulates fame in an intelligent way. Also, I automatically hated her because I hate Madonna, but Lady G can actually sing, and is quite conceptual....anyway I'll stop justifying this post- here she is sounding awesome x

In my sleep last night, I dreamt of a house again . This house was big and I was showing it to strangers. Each room looked the same, but I was searching for my one. And then one of the strangers, a tall man, pointed me to where it was. Once I was inside, I didn't recoginze the room as much as I thought I would. And I went down the stairs, and watched strangers look through the house again. I remember having a smile on face.  

I always dream of houses. Sometimes they are smaller than I am, and I have to crouch to fit in the doors. Sometimes the rooms change as my dream gets longer and longer. Sometimes the house is so beautiful, sometimes the house is full, and sometimes I am wandering through the house alone. 

I always dream of houses, I don't know why, but I always remember the detail of it, so clearly when I wake up. 

To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. 

To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a particular relationship.  Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality.

To dream that you find or discover a new room, suggests that you are developing new strengths and taking on new roles. You may be growing emotionally. Consider what you find in the discovered room as it may indicate repressed memories, fears, or rejected emotions. Alternatively, such rooms are symbolic of neglected skills or rejected potential.

Yesterday was my 100th Post. hah! the wonders of time. I hate that I post things retrospectively. On that note, I'll tell you about the start of my week.
So Monday was freezing and I was walking to work and it seemed to get colder and colder. A young man overtook me and turned around and smiled. I thought 'Dang, my ass must be looking good today!', so I caught my reflection in a window. Low and behold, my jacket had pulled up my dress all the way and I was walking around flashing my star spangled undies to passersby. Lucky I was wearing stockings....but not my proudest moment.

Also - I just swallowed an entire Strepsil.
Damn.

Again, this is not how I wanted to begin this post, but my fingers typed quicker than my thoughts. Today  I woke up full of gratitude. And I liked it. I have goals again, and I can't stop moving towards them! Have a great day, and thats an order! x

Have you ever felt a memory being made? 
I just sat with my mother and watched one of her favorite movies 'To Sir with Love', with the amazing Sidney Portier. I don't know what else to say about it. As insignificant as it may seem, I just knew that it was a moment I would look back on forever. 

Here is the hit by lulu from a wonderful film. Enjoy x

This song is dedicated to Yang+ Dean (When we get in our mean mean heads. The Ying is near my dear. The Ying is near x

I look at the world, and I notice it's turning

while my guitar gently weeps.

With every mistake we must surely be learning

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I went crazy at the gym today. It's like I saw my body for the first time!! Also read a great article on being single.  Looking forward to the changes to come. Song below was the last thing I heard after the intense workout! Sing it B x

I wish I was just nostalgic. I hate being nostalgic, AND not appreciating the present moment, because those moments become the past; the past I often yearn for. Nostalgia. You're no good when I'm trying to live in the moment.  I'm thinking a lot of days gone by . Friendships that used to be, sand that has to squeeze through the glass and the fact of life's natural progressions. Love that could have been. Places I could have seen......

And then I slowly start accepting that I have to live realistically for a while. Just a little while. Thanks to my parents, I've had the luxury to be a dreamer for most of my life. But now it's time to get real. Change. Work hard. Get to where I want to be. I know I'm getting there. A place where I stop living in the past, and start living in the present/ Towards where I want to be. Or rather, accepting where I am. Embracing it. Appreciating it. Understanding that now is not forever. 

I was at the gym the other day, and I saw this quote 'fear and pain make up that little voice inside your head telling you to stop what you are doing. Stop what you are doing because you are close to greatness, and you are close to change. And if you change, you wont see us anymore. So just stop'. I never thought it would stick, but everytime I feel pain when I exercise now, I remember it and I push through. 

I try to keep motivated, for this oasis of life I envision for myself. And sometimes its hard to believe in an Oasis. But I know I'm getting there. Its all about gratitude. Making gratitude part of my attitude. On that note, today I couldn't stop thinking of my relationship with other people, even close friends, and how that has changed over time. Maybe I'm still trying to find an excuse. A distraction to deter from what I am close to becoming. Whatever it was, today -  I missed what we used to be, old friend x

I stared into the light

To kill some of my pain                   

cause no senses remain                        

but an ache in my body

And regret on my mind

But I'll be fine

Cause I live and I learn

Yes I live and I learn

If you live you will learn                         

Yes I live and I learn 

Get a rhythm, when you get the blues! 

Another album I was listening to on my mini road trip. I love you Mr. Cash x

This was my first weekend in Tauranga, on my new job as a regional manager for EF. I drove the whole 2 and a bit hours , then in the last 5 mins before getting to the expo, I was stopped by a police man - charged $120 for speeding. Better than a car accident right? Throughout the trip, the two songs below were always in my mind. When I grow up, I want to be Janelle Monae x


This is a cooold war you better know what you're fighting for....
you wanna be free? being on the ground is the only way to be...
This is a cold war....do you know what you're fighting for? 

Good morning twilight....not a star in the sky....
lost without my baby, and I just don't know why.....
lonely night on peach tree....
clubs are closed....its only three.....

dreary on my mind...