I wish I was just nostalgic. I hate being nostalgic, AND not appreciating the present moment, because those moments become the past; the past I often yearn for. Nostalgia. You're no good when I'm trying to live in the moment.  I'm thinking a lot of days gone by . Friendships that used to be, sand that has to squeeze through the glass and the fact of life's natural progressions. Love that could have been. Places I could have seen......

And then I slowly start accepting that I have to live realistically for a while. Just a little while. Thanks to my parents, I've had the luxury to be a dreamer for most of my life. But now it's time to get real. Change. Work hard. Get to where I want to be. I know I'm getting there. A place where I stop living in the past, and start living in the present/ Towards where I want to be. Or rather, accepting where I am. Embracing it. Appreciating it. Understanding that now is not forever. 

I was at the gym the other day, and I saw this quote 'fear and pain make up that little voice inside your head telling you to stop what you are doing. Stop what you are doing because you are close to greatness, and you are close to change. And if you change, you wont see us anymore. So just stop'. I never thought it would stick, but everytime I feel pain when I exercise now, I remember it and I push through. 

I try to keep motivated, for this oasis of life I envision for myself. And sometimes its hard to believe in an Oasis. But I know I'm getting there. Its all about gratitude. Making gratitude part of my attitude. On that note, today I couldn't stop thinking of my relationship with other people, even close friends, and how that has changed over time. Maybe I'm still trying to find an excuse. A distraction to deter from what I am close to becoming. Whatever it was, today -  I missed what we used to be, old friend x