I was trying to motivate myself this evening....being the first of March and all. I always set the first as a benchmark for change. I am always looking for an excuse to start fresh, when really I just need to make a consistent effort. Not just start something, because that I always do - but continue. I really need to step out of this mood. Why do I purposefully create drama just to procrastinate and distract myself from what I really need to focus on ? Ok I just answered my own question within the question...
I have a giant reaction to a bite on my back....its really bad, so I didn't have practice today. I am waiting for a friend to come over. I just realized, it's the first time I have ever lived alone......I've always been with my family...or a friend, or flatmates. When I look back on how much I've gone through in just 2 months - it's crazy. I am so harsh on myself.
Ofcoarse I always turn to music when I want to change my mood. And for some reason, I stumbled upon the song below today. I thought - Christina Aguilera? What the loch-ness? But I always remember when I was growing up and she came up with genie in a bottle, and there was a documentary she made....and I loved her. I wanted to be cool like her. Even though I did not identify with her at all - peroxide blonde and all, she seemed like an old soul. She also seemed so unsure - going from Sugar pop, to Dirrrrty, to 50's to this chunky diva we see today. I don't know. I guess it's refreshing to see the beauty in women who struggle with themselves. In the metamorphism of truely becoming themselves. Not just the ones that look and act like Kate Middleton, or Katie holmes - always seemingly poised. The ones that have pain - and express it.
So here's the song. And some of the lyrics. Enjoy and apply x
I have a giant reaction to a bite on my back....its really bad, so I didn't have practice today. I am waiting for a friend to come over. I just realized, it's the first time I have ever lived alone......I've always been with my family...or a friend, or flatmates. When I look back on how much I've gone through in just 2 months - it's crazy. I am so harsh on myself.
Ofcoarse I always turn to music when I want to change my mood. And for some reason, I stumbled upon the song below today. I thought - Christina Aguilera? What the loch-ness? But I always remember when I was growing up and she came up with genie in a bottle, and there was a documentary she made....and I loved her. I wanted to be cool like her. Even though I did not identify with her at all - peroxide blonde and all, she seemed like an old soul. She also seemed so unsure - going from Sugar pop, to Dirrrrty, to 50's to this chunky diva we see today. I don't know. I guess it's refreshing to see the beauty in women who struggle with themselves. In the metamorphism of truely becoming themselves. Not just the ones that look and act like Kate Middleton, or Katie holmes - always seemingly poised. The ones that have pain - and express it.
So here's the song. And some of the lyrics. Enjoy and apply x
When you're safe inside your room, you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
Yea
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Ooh, woh yeah
Young girl, just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day
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