Time.
The theme for today was time. I woke up again, which is a blessing in itself. I took no notice of time, enjoying instead to waste it as I always do. Actually I skyped one of my best friends, which was a good use of my time- and spoke to my father.
Then time changed me. I allowed it too. I knew this was the time for everything. Well, I didn't know it at the time - but now I do.
A few weeks ago I met a guy at the dentist. We talked and he was very nice, and also cute (plus). He took my number, and asked me to meet him the next day, but I couldn't because my dad was here. I decided to meet him today, at the beach.
As much as I tried to deny it - my mind was already swelling with ideas. What if he's the one? Or maybe I could just have fun, waste some time. Kill some time. All these hopeful little dreamy thoughts going through my head as I walked down the stairs of the beach to meet him. 20 mins after we met, he started to tell me about his girlfriend, and how much he misses her. I will say, I was a bit pissed off. What was I doing wasting my time with this guy? But I swallowed my pride, and we continued to have a good conversation. As we continued to talk about everything and anything, he gave me some of the best advice in the world. It was as if the universe sent him to me, on this day - to tell me to stop being so damn naive. Nay - to really AFFIRM IT ! While at times my pride wouldn't let me believe that he was talking to me like a little sister, I listened carefully about his life. How he got here. Because he was such a doer. Though it sounds repetitive, He told me to put everything in drawers. To prioritize my time. To be selfish. Invest 70% of your energy on YOU, and about 30% on the people around you. It was amazing talking to him (even though the fact that we were meeting contradicted his advice, but whatever). After that, I let go of my inhibitions. For once, I was honest with someone without trying to impress them. I just said how I felt, and really took in what he said. I'm not going to lie - there was a time, when he was talking about his girlfriend, I thought - What a lucky girl....but we could still have something otherwise, why are we here? Oh god this is depressing- I need to go home, find an actual potential, why do I keep meeting random, good for nothing g...
And then, it's as if someone took a big frying pan and smacked me in the back of the head.WOW. WTF. I finally realized that this was my roadblock. This is my biggest BIGGEST problem. For the past 5 years, this has been my focus. Looking, searching and crying out for some guy to love me like I was the first and only girl he's met. Instead, I met guys who just told me that this is how they felt about someone else in their life. And I was just there. With them, in Transit. Because that's where I was. I never loved myself enough to allow someone else to really, truely fall in love with me. It's been said to me before, but I was a little cynical. So I continued to look. To hope. To flail my arms in despair. This is where 70% of my energy went, and this needs to stop. There. I said it. It was obvious to everyone around me - but It never hit me until today how obsessed I was with this search. Now I know it's gospel.
What also got to me was that he was so positive. He had such a great energy. He dropped out of school at 15 and just paved his own path in life. He never seemed to have regrets.Even about being here. Starting from scratch. And I realized, as much as I hate being here sometimes, away from my loved ones - it's making me grow up and learn at such a fast rate. Not just about myself and what I want, but what's truly important in this life. I will stick it out. I will do great in this job, and I might have finally found my career.
We discussed the importance of time - as we watched it fly by. It has never rung more true than at that moment- what am I waiting for? Time and change are on either side of me. In between there are distractions, but I must focus on the mission. I came here to do my job, find a career, travel and save money, work on my health and my body. And there is no better place to do all this than right here, right now. It's time.With a little bit of discipline and focus, it will happen. I know it.
Instead of going home that evening I went to the swimming pool and just swam, swam swam. I realized how much work I have to do....and how lucky I was to still have time to do it. My dad's words still ring true. This is it. My opportunity to change, for the last time. So, thank you universe for bringing all these random people into my life, that grab me by the shoulders, or ears for that matter, and turn me right back on the track I need to be on.
Destiny doesn't like to waste time. There is a reason for every meeting.
The theme for today was time. I woke up again, which is a blessing in itself. I took no notice of time, enjoying instead to waste it as I always do. Actually I skyped one of my best friends, which was a good use of my time- and spoke to my father.
Then time changed me. I allowed it too. I knew this was the time for everything. Well, I didn't know it at the time - but now I do.
A few weeks ago I met a guy at the dentist. We talked and he was very nice, and also cute (plus). He took my number, and asked me to meet him the next day, but I couldn't because my dad was here. I decided to meet him today, at the beach.
As much as I tried to deny it - my mind was already swelling with ideas. What if he's the one? Or maybe I could just have fun, waste some time. Kill some time. All these hopeful little dreamy thoughts going through my head as I walked down the stairs of the beach to meet him. 20 mins after we met, he started to tell me about his girlfriend, and how much he misses her. I will say, I was a bit pissed off. What was I doing wasting my time with this guy? But I swallowed my pride, and we continued to have a good conversation. As we continued to talk about everything and anything, he gave me some of the best advice in the world. It was as if the universe sent him to me, on this day - to tell me to stop being so damn naive. Nay - to really AFFIRM IT ! While at times my pride wouldn't let me believe that he was talking to me like a little sister, I listened carefully about his life. How he got here. Because he was such a doer. Though it sounds repetitive, He told me to put everything in drawers. To prioritize my time. To be selfish. Invest 70% of your energy on YOU, and about 30% on the people around you. It was amazing talking to him (even though the fact that we were meeting contradicted his advice, but whatever). After that, I let go of my inhibitions. For once, I was honest with someone without trying to impress them. I just said how I felt, and really took in what he said. I'm not going to lie - there was a time, when he was talking about his girlfriend, I thought - What a lucky girl....but we could still have something otherwise, why are we here? Oh god this is depressing- I need to go home, find an actual potential, why do I keep meeting random, good for nothing g...
And then, it's as if someone took a big frying pan and smacked me in the back of the head.WOW. WTF. I finally realized that this was my roadblock. This is my biggest BIGGEST problem. For the past 5 years, this has been my focus. Looking, searching and crying out for some guy to love me like I was the first and only girl he's met. Instead, I met guys who just told me that this is how they felt about someone else in their life. And I was just there. With them, in Transit. Because that's where I was. I never loved myself enough to allow someone else to really, truely fall in love with me. It's been said to me before, but I was a little cynical. So I continued to look. To hope. To flail my arms in despair. This is where 70% of my energy went, and this needs to stop. There. I said it. It was obvious to everyone around me - but It never hit me until today how obsessed I was with this search. Now I know it's gospel.
What also got to me was that he was so positive. He had such a great energy. He dropped out of school at 15 and just paved his own path in life. He never seemed to have regrets.Even about being here. Starting from scratch. And I realized, as much as I hate being here sometimes, away from my loved ones - it's making me grow up and learn at such a fast rate. Not just about myself and what I want, but what's truly important in this life. I will stick it out. I will do great in this job, and I might have finally found my career.
We discussed the importance of time - as we watched it fly by. It has never rung more true than at that moment- what am I waiting for? Time and change are on either side of me. In between there are distractions, but I must focus on the mission. I came here to do my job, find a career, travel and save money, work on my health and my body. And there is no better place to do all this than right here, right now. It's time.With a little bit of discipline and focus, it will happen. I know it.
Instead of going home that evening I went to the swimming pool and just swam, swam swam. I realized how much work I have to do....and how lucky I was to still have time to do it. My dad's words still ring true. This is it. My opportunity to change, for the last time. So, thank you universe for bringing all these random people into my life, that grab me by the shoulders, or ears for that matter, and turn me right back on the track I need to be on.
Destiny doesn't like to waste time. There is a reason for every meeting.
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