Happy New Year:
Two has always been my favourite number. Maybe it's because everything seems better in pairs. Or maybe it's because February is my favourite month, or maybe I just love second chances. This is why I usually try to start a diet on the 2nd, or change my life on the 2nd, or tell myself I'm going to have a good day on the 2nd. Well, whatever sign or bullshit I came up with in the past - isn't working anymore. As my wonderful Jenn would say, stop looking for signs. Today is already the second day of May. It's nearly half of 2013, according to numbers and calenders worked out soon after life's conception. But I don't want today to be just another day in the calender. It's not just any other day. It's such an important day, like tomorrow will be. It's as important as I make it. As accomplished and productive as I make it. I've reached the end of the road with my indecisiveness. My ungratefulness. My attitude to life, and my laziness. For the past three years I chose the road less travelled, I made my choice and then I regretted it. Complained about it. Yes Spain brought me out of my comfort zone.It was amazing, it made me lose a part of myself. Yes Wellington was difficult, and it was most probably one of my worst years as I tried to find myself. For the most part, all I remember from Wellington is feeling lost and struggling - but I also remember lots of lessons, and I don't want those lessons to go to waste here. In Dubai. I'm in a different place, but I don't want to take the same problems with me, every time I go to a different city.
So here it is. Every post before this was me dissecting myself, trying to find myself, and making affirmations to change- then never really doing it. From here on, things will be different. Because here's what I do have. I have my health - I have every opportunity to improve it. I have money coming in every month - some of which I can save, I can spend on being healthy and I can really value. I have my family and close friends who still call me, and love me. I don't have a partner - in the form of a man, and maybe this is why I feel so down sometimes, but what if this knight never comes along? What if he comes along briefly and I lose him? It's all the same in the end. I will only have myself. For now, I have an apartment all to myself. I have time to myself - no one pulling me in any direction. I came here to be alone, to focus on me and figure out exactly what it is I want to do - so let me use this time wisely, and not complain about feeling so alone. There is no better place, and no better time. I give myself till September to re-evaluate my life, and by then - I want to come to a better decision. I need goals. Without them - I am and will continue to be lost. This is why I stayed up last night and made the vision board below:
I want to picture all the best things in me. In my life. I want to have more days of better than worse. I want Love in all it's forms, starting with myself and emanating out to my family and friends. I want to be me always, and I want to be a bride, in time. I am not invincible, but I want to be pretty damn close. I want Abs and I'm going to get that stomach. I want to spread joy, because I know that is how I will get it. I want to fight for my life, because It is a gift. It is a privilege, not a right. I want to save money. I want to value money. I Do TRY everyday - but more than that I just want to DO. I want to be forward thinking. Like a cyclist racing, or a runner running, or a swimmer swimming, I just want to look forward. Think positively about what is ahead of me, and just DO. No looking back. And then...then maybe find a new job. Or maybe by then - I won't need to. Because it won't be my job that gets to me. My year starts today.
To achieve my overall goal for the year, lets start with my daily goals for the month of May - I will write down at the end of each day the things I've done better that day, the small changes I've made. No more looking down at a black hole. From here on, the only way is up.
Two has always been my favourite number. Maybe it's because everything seems better in pairs. Or maybe it's because February is my favourite month, or maybe I just love second chances. This is why I usually try to start a diet on the 2nd, or change my life on the 2nd, or tell myself I'm going to have a good day on the 2nd. Well, whatever sign or bullshit I came up with in the past - isn't working anymore. As my wonderful Jenn would say, stop looking for signs. Today is already the second day of May. It's nearly half of 2013, according to numbers and calenders worked out soon after life's conception. But I don't want today to be just another day in the calender. It's not just any other day. It's such an important day, like tomorrow will be. It's as important as I make it. As accomplished and productive as I make it. I've reached the end of the road with my indecisiveness. My ungratefulness. My attitude to life, and my laziness. For the past three years I chose the road less travelled, I made my choice and then I regretted it. Complained about it. Yes Spain brought me out of my comfort zone.It was amazing, it made me lose a part of myself. Yes Wellington was difficult, and it was most probably one of my worst years as I tried to find myself. For the most part, all I remember from Wellington is feeling lost and struggling - but I also remember lots of lessons, and I don't want those lessons to go to waste here. In Dubai. I'm in a different place, but I don't want to take the same problems with me, every time I go to a different city.
So here it is. Every post before this was me dissecting myself, trying to find myself, and making affirmations to change- then never really doing it. From here on, things will be different. Because here's what I do have. I have my health - I have every opportunity to improve it. I have money coming in every month - some of which I can save, I can spend on being healthy and I can really value. I have my family and close friends who still call me, and love me. I don't have a partner - in the form of a man, and maybe this is why I feel so down sometimes, but what if this knight never comes along? What if he comes along briefly and I lose him? It's all the same in the end. I will only have myself. For now, I have an apartment all to myself. I have time to myself - no one pulling me in any direction. I came here to be alone, to focus on me and figure out exactly what it is I want to do - so let me use this time wisely, and not complain about feeling so alone. There is no better place, and no better time. I give myself till September to re-evaluate my life, and by then - I want to come to a better decision. I need goals. Without them - I am and will continue to be lost. This is why I stayed up last night and made the vision board below:
I want to picture all the best things in me. In my life. I want to have more days of better than worse. I want Love in all it's forms, starting with myself and emanating out to my family and friends. I want to be me always, and I want to be a bride, in time. I am not invincible, but I want to be pretty damn close. I want Abs and I'm going to get that stomach. I want to spread joy, because I know that is how I will get it. I want to fight for my life, because It is a gift. It is a privilege, not a right. I want to save money. I want to value money. I Do TRY everyday - but more than that I just want to DO. I want to be forward thinking. Like a cyclist racing, or a runner running, or a swimmer swimming, I just want to look forward. Think positively about what is ahead of me, and just DO. No looking back. And then...then maybe find a new job. Or maybe by then - I won't need to. Because it won't be my job that gets to me. My year starts today.
To achieve my overall goal for the year, lets start with my daily goals for the month of May - I will write down at the end of each day the things I've done better that day, the small changes I've made. No more looking down at a black hole. From here on, the only way is up.
I watch your spirit break
As it shatters into a million pieces
Just like glass I see right through you
And your parade of excuses
Feels like groundhog day
You say the same things over and over
There's that look in your eye
And I hear that crashing sound
As it all falls down
It's never too late to turn it back around
Yeah I know you can
Don't bury your demons deep in the ground
When it all falls down
The only way is up, up, up
The only way is up, up
As it shatters into a million pieces
Just like glass I see right through you
And your parade of excuses
Feels like groundhog day
You say the same things over and over
There's that look in your eye
And I hear that crashing sound
As it all falls down
It's never too late to turn it back around
Yeah I know you can
Don't bury your demons deep in the ground
When it all falls down
The only way is up, up, up
The only way is up, up
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