Relapse

Not sure if I'm actually still falling, or I'm just finally walking on? Whatever it is, this isn't me yet, I know it. This isn't where I'm going to stay, as much as I want to grow up and just be - at the end of the day I can't chain my free spirit, I was a gypsy back then, and I'm at it again. And yeah this song I'm listening to right now is about alcoholism, but I feel like I've been relapsing like an Alcoholic for the past 3 years too. Complaining is my alcohol though, and I never seem to be able to empty the bottle. My addiction to never finishing something and just running away is clouding me. I have so much energy and love to give, and I don't know where the hell to plant it. Am I justified in my complaints, or do I just try to justify my lack of discipline by complaining? Shit who knows, I haven't written in so long - but maybe I need to keep relapsing until it really finally washes out of me. Until life sobers me up.  

And will they think that everything that I've written has all been fake

Or will I just take my slip to the grave

and what the fuck are my parents gonna say?

The success story that got this life together and changed

And you know what pain looks like

When you tell your dad you relapsed then look him directly into his face

The seat on your shoulder’s are seemingly heavy weight

I’ve been seeing tears like this on my girl

In a while the trust that I once built’s been betrayed

But I’d rather live telling the truth than be judged for my mistakes

The falsely held up, given props, loved and praised

I guess I gotta get this on the page

Feeling sick and helpless, lost the compass where self is

I know what I gotta do and I can’t help it

One day at a time is what they tell us

Now I gotta find a way to tell them

God help ‘em

One day at a time is what they tell us

Now I gotta find a way to tell them

We fell so hard

Now we gotta get back what we lost.. lost..

I felt you’d go

But you were with me all along.. along..