When I write in this blog, sometimes funny things happen. I came very close to destiny a few days ago. Fate and serendipity and love. But it was not mutual. It was not exclusive. It was a rare and unexpected connection with a young man. He was everything I thought I wanted. That meeting taught me a lot about how I sabotage myself, because as much as I say I want to be in love - I'm not ready for it just yet. For years I've focused on all the wrong things, and I've forgotten to live in the moment. I've forgotten gratitude and goal setting. I was consumed with the idea of love. The past two days fate gave me a glimpse of what might have been, and how unprepared I was to allow someone in. The insecurities, the rush and the need to handcuff any hint of love. It was emotionally fulfilling to be so open with him, yet so draining at the same time. I realised that I have to deal with the fact that I may never be your first, but you will be my first everything. I have to be ready to embrace that - to see that fact in a different light. God sends you these people - momentarily, for a while or forever - and time will tell you the difference.  It was deep. We talked about fear. I almost got real....but not quite.