This post is dedicated to my dad. My light in life. Thank you for your constant and unwavering support. Regardless of who I am, what I want to do, or what I have done. I have ticked off 17 of the 25 things I want to do on my bucket list, all because of you x

I've been traveling down this river
So many rocks pop up in my sight
I got to make some quick decisions
Should I go left or should I go right?
I pray for guidance and protection
It keeps my boat water tight
And I know if I just keep on believing
Every little thing's all gonna be alright

And when I wake up in the morning
I hope I see you in the light
And when I wake up in the morning
I hope I see you in the light
And loveliness and tenderness
And happiness and openness
And togetherness and loveliness



Home again
Home again
One day I know
I'll feel home again
Wrong again
Wrong again
One day I know
I'll feel strong again
And lift my head

Many times
I've been told
All this talk
Will make you old
So, I'll close my eyes
Won't look behind
Movin' on
Movin' on
So I'll close my eyes
Won't look behind
Movin' on

Lost again
Lost again
One day I know
Our paths will cross again
Smile again
Smile again
One Day I hope
I'll make you smile again
And I won't hide

These past few days have been a whirlwind.

I've cried tears of joy, regret, fear and sadness.

I've laughed and felt hopeful, and I've also felt so damn scared. 

I've questioned my ability to do  the job discussed. 

I've questioned my credibility.

I have not been offered anything, but If I am - will I say yes? 

And If I do - will it be the right path to take? 

Will I fail once more, and return home? Where is home? 

The brief trip to Switzerland gave me a taste of life on the road, but I just want a simple life at home. It also gave me a bigger bite of loneliness. I don't mind being alone.

I just don't want to feel lonely.

 I want children and a husband, I want to spend more time with my family.

But I also want adventures, I want to travel and I want to change the world. 

Will I be given the chance to do that? 

Will the decision be made for me? A simple 'sorry, we don't think you are right for the role'..

I don't know what I want. Every positive post below seems foreign to me now. 

I am scared.I am hopeful. I am excited. But if it is a no - then I will follow the next path. 

Just a few moments ago - I received my airline ticket for a job interview in Lucerne. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE RANDOMNESS OF LIFE!!! I FEEL LIKE I'm on fire!! I'll keep you posted. I've got my head in the clouds, and I'm not backing down.....x

I feel like I'm floating through existence
I feel like I'm living after time
I feel like I'm forced to break the silence
Is that a crime? Is that a crime?
I feel like we're all following shadows
And shadows they don't know where to go
I feel like I'm waiting for tomorrow
While today wastes away

I got a call today, that could potentially change the course of my life. If this is the next leg of my journey/destiny, then  I trust you Allah/Universe to direct me. If it's good for me, I want it. I WANT IT. I WANT IT. I will update you all soon, once I know for sure. Right now, I am scattering my wishes across the universe. And I won't worry, about a thing. x

Rise up this mornin',

Smiled with the risin' sun,

Three little birds

Pitch by my doorstep

Singin' sweet songs

Of melodies pure and true,

Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

I hate that I always count my chickens before they hatch. I hate that! I wish I could just contain my excitment some days and stop dreaming far beyond the promises. I feel like I am bungy jumping with my thoughts but instead of feeling what I do, and keeping it to myself, I'm like bungy jumping and telling everyone how I feel, every step of the way down. I can't gt it in my head that you don't always have to fill the silence. Calm down girl! Steady does it.

Oh chariot, your golden waves

Are walking down

Upon this face.

Oh chariot, I'm singing out loud.

To guide me

Give me your strength.



Ps. I don't particularly like the video for the song below, but it is engaging and entertaining. Here is a bit of a read on it. http://www.refinery29.com/2012/10/37934/lana-del-rey-ride-video

I was in the winter of my life

and the men I met along the road were my only summer.

At night I fell asleep to visions of my self dancing and laughing and crying with them. 

I was a singer.

Not a very popular one.

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet...

But upon an unfortunate series of events,  

I saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky....

that I wished on...over and over again...

Sparkling and broken...

But I didn't really mind, because I knew that it takes everything you ever wanted, and losing it - to know what true freedom is.

There is no use talking to people who have a home.

They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people.

For a home to be wherever you lay your head.

I was always an unusual girl.

my mother told me I had a chameleon soul.

No moral compass pointing to the north.

No fixed personality. 

Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean.

And If I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way,

I'd be lying.

Because I was born to be the other woman.

I belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone,

who had nothing, 

who wanted everything. 

it was a fire for every experience, 

and an obsession for freedom 

that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it.

and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness

that both dazzled and dizzied me.

I'm posting these guys again because at this point in my life, I can't seem to listen to anything else! The Alabama shakes are my October soundtrack x

Don't worry

Sweet baby 

Don't you ever worry bout' a thing

Put your worries on the shelf,

learn to love yourself

Don't be your own worst enemy

Hang loose,

hang Loose

Let the ocean worry bout being blue

Hang loose,

Hang loose 

roll wit the tide

and I'm gone take care of you

Wake up.

Waaake uuuup.

Get up ..get uuuup!

get out of bed ....stop wastin' tiiimee!!

 

I have some super de duper talented friends. One of which is Mr. Benjamin Franco Mariscal. Check out his beautiful song and amazing voice below. MAS PORFA!!! xxx

vimeo.com/50960642

This is a very first world problems kind of post, but today my parents came home from a trip to Turkey with perfume. I LOVE PERFUME. So far I usually just go for Dolce & Gabbana, but this time mother got me Valentina - it's not what I would have picked, but it smells so pretty and sweet, and it's exactly how I want my life to be.  IT's WONDERFUL. Smell is my favorite sense because its so well linked to memory.For a dreamer such as myself, the right sent transports me to another world or in the presence of another person. Anyway, the ad for the perfume is great - and so is the song to match it. Enjoy x

I like you. I shall share you with the world. I shall also excuse your intense facials, as I realize you are feelin' the music. Nice covers. 

Well, I've been going through the motions
Wonder if anyone can see
That I been looking for something
Have you been looking for me

I ain't the same no more
In fact I have changed from before
No, you ain't gonna find me
Oh no, cause I'm not who I used to be

Well, I used to be a little girl
Just a smiling, feeling free
I wasn't worried bout nobody
Nobody worried bout me

I know I am not showing any love for the chicos - but there are some amazing lady souls out there. One of which is Maisey Rika. I was listening to the radio this morning, and she did an acoustic version of the song below. I seriously just started crying. She is breathtaking, and this video is the reason why I want to settle down and raise my children in New Zealand. Love this lady x