Just incase I don't get to post tomorrow - which is highly likely  because I will be travelling to smelly Rotovegas - I wish you all a wonderful new year. 2013 will be my dream world. Lets dream x

I wouldn't spend my days searching for, searching for lost time, yeah hey yee (ooh ooh, dream) 
I wouldn't be so damn sensitive, I'd let things go by No matter what the weather, I'd learn to change, I'd change with the time, yeah he 

My heart is drumming between chords of happiness and sadness, my pulse is racing with fear and excitement, and my head is trying to pace me to take it day by day. 6 more days. I am going on a trip with my parents - it might be the last one I take with them at this stage of my life. Who knows. Everything seems final and hopeful and nostalgic and irritatingly familiar at the same time. Spending new years again - single, with my parents and my dear family friend. I will relish this moment however. Because I don't know what's coming my way. Its thrilling, and crazy and exciting. It could all change. It will all change. This is it. I feel it getting closer and closer. I wish I wasn't scared of reaching my full potential. Becoming the person I always knew I wanted to be. Living the life I had imagined. It will happen. Think it to reality. I will succeed. I will find happiness.I will not take the easy way out.

I also thought alot about regret today. Is anything really a mistake if you just take it as a lesson? I am ready to play this new role. To move into the new year knowing myself a whole lot better. I'm going to miss my cat. Photos. Flicking through photos. Memories and years and moments. I am ready to be born again. Bring it on Dubai. Bring it on 2013. It's a brand new me x

Yesterday was mama bears birthday. It was also christmas. I baked a cake - it was actually pretty good. I think it shall be my new party favor. Heh. It is really hard making a big effort sometimes, but I know I will miss these moments when I leave. The thing you have to remember is that a moment is never repeated, and same goes for each stage in your life. Everything passes with time. With time I have to remember not to sweat the small stuff, the importance of not saying too much, of sticking to your roots. 

Happy birthday mama- I will miss you. I hope I come back for your next birthday everything you wanted and more. Here is your favorite song x

Great Video! 

This song got me through the day for sure. I could not stop listening to it! I will start living soon, working. stressing. But for now, I'm going to end 2012 doing some sweet nothing. x

I don't remember much of my dream yesterday, but I remember very clearly whizzing down a river/ocean and passing two hump-back whales. I remembered I had whales in my dream very clearly when I woke up. 

Apparently, whales usually represent a big event in your life or a strong feeling of solitude.Some people believe that whales are associated with peace, serenity, spirituality and tranquility.The appearance of a whale in a dream can signify that everything is or will be ok and is often related to spiritual matters of the mind and heart.

I really hope so dream meaning interpreter. I really do.... I hope everything will be okay. I haven't been dreaming of houses lately - so maybe I am finally ok with who I am....Anyway - I feel like dancing now. Enjoy x

I'm going to repeat myself in the post below. NZ has some of the best music out. Just like our little   Island, our music is a hidden gem. I wanted to share a non-Kiwi song with you today, but I just can't do it! It's summer, and we have AWESOME musicians - namely Six 60. What a voice the lead singer has! Today I caught up with my favourite girls. Some of my best friends. My heart feels at ease around them, even though I am the only single one - I always feel like I am surrounded by family and love. Around them is where I can be myself and not question anything. It was great. I also had my first summer swim at Piha today. It was a bit dangerous - but the water is amazing. We also ate alot - and played soccer. I miss playing soccer! As we were playing, six 60 was blasting - so here is my song for the day. Wishing you all happiness and sunshine for the soul x

Ok and one more just because I can't get enough of that voice~

This was definitely my song for today. NZ harbors some of the worlds best singers for serious bro! The video reminds me of when I first came to NZ and went to a Maori primary/Intermediate.Wats good Manurewa! haha. I seriously thought I was a little Maori for my first five years here! Anywho, I took it reaaaal easy today, and the sunshine helped too. Did absolutley no work! God I shall miss you little secluded Island. I shall miss this time in my life when I am so damn relaxed!! Appreciation for my lack of motivation and dedication. This is for my Kiwis abroad! CHURRRR Stan Walker x

Ok this is how I feel about my posts below.

Someone keep me away from the keyboard when I'm feelin' emo porfa!

Moving on - on to better and bigger things (but I must admit, that freak out was necessary). I am going to take it day by day (thanks Anna and Bex-ventura, the song below is for you).

Tengoo.. y lo que tengo lo mantengo a base de amor y fe.

Sientoo que si no estas no corre el viento quizas afuera si pero no dentro de mi..

Vengooo sin maletas con lo puesto y esta cancion mi remedio vitamina pal´vivir.

Vuelvoo y a teneros si estas lejos como el trueno cuando pasas junto a mi.

La melodia de una rumba me dijo el secreto no esta en la tumba sino en el vivir

y viviendo a todo trapo olvide caminar despacio y las heridas de mis pies en ti.

No cantare a lo que desconozco solo a lo que entro en el fondo como el poso del vino que bebi

y antes de emborracharme brindare mirando a tus ojos y gritare el secreto es el amor

que siento por ti.

Hot dang I really need to force out the little pessimist dean that crawls in everytime something exciting is about to happen in my life. But I just can't help it. I am so emotional about leaving...I didn't think I'd be this way. Maybe it's because it was so quick and unexpected, but then again - that's what opportunities are. Maybe its the arab in me? Or maybe I need a good slap in the face ya'll. Something to wake me up! Telling me to let go of my issues, with everything, and everyone. These little dramas I create in my head that cage me inside my own mind. I need to remember - life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it.

Anyway, everytime I have an emo day/ moment/ week, I seem to always turn to dance, and yesterday It was just the drug I needed. I really need to get back into contemporary. I forget how much dancing heals the soul. Combined with the song below, I was cured of my crazies (temporarily). I think I've already posted the original by Sam Cooke, so here's another amazing version of my favorite song x

Ever had one of those days where you feel like all the color off you is melting and you are just a murky grey canvas? Today was sunny, but I broke down. I fell apart. I screamed like I had never done before. You will never be satisfied my dear. No matter how hard I try to please you, you will find something else to wish for, to change. I am under so much stress and so much pressure - to be this elusive daughter you yearn for. Time is ticking, and you are still ticking me off. Like a bomb I exploded. I have nothing left in me, and I am sick of bearing the burden of the issues you don't want to own up to. I am leaving to change my life. 2013 will be my year. I know it. 2012 has been the year of many changes, but I hope it was just to shape me for the year to come. I am done feeling guilty for the way I am, for the things I say, and for what I want to do. Emotionally, you have filled me with anger, your constant un-acceptance of me has made me the person I am today. Has given me my strength and perseverance to do what I want. But I am done allowing you to break me. 

I need a damn happy song to get me out of this mood.*le sigh*.

For whoever reads this, apologies for not posting in so long. I have been in London for work, visiting the schools. London. A city I never thought I'd see so soon. Oh life, your twists and turns are what I live for. 
London, 2012. Meeting old friends. Warm hugs, cold fronts. Double mattress. Blue door. Metro/tube & people galore. Cherry Jam. Markets and Photos. New girl. Polka dots. Gifts. Stone Hedge. Frozen. New friends. Love at first smile. Spain and black beauties. Heat and pain. Inspiration. Foxes and Squirrels. Ahoy. Tea and scones. Torbay/Torquay. Castles and carriages. Amazing students. Fear and excitement. Saying sorry when I didn't have to. Tears. Realization. Growth. Cat. Onsie. Learning to love the skin I'm in. Getting more comfortable from within. Eating better. Getting over chocolate. Faithful boots. Relentless. Oblivious. Dreamy transcendence. The view from the morning, and view from the afternoon. Everyone to themselves. Changes as quick as a gust of wind. History. History. Love. Money. Money. Money. Confusion. Wicked Laughter. Sleep deprivation. Awkwardness and moving forwardness. All the way to business class baby. 

Then I went to Dubai.  Opulence. Fakeness. Excitement and Fear.  Waiting as the Dubai fountain shows off and beckons. Singing the song below.