Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.
I never understood what that meant, until I looked back on the past 3 years, in which, I've gotten nearly everything I have asked for. I feel so spoilt, and still I search. Being alone makes me think of so much I want to do. My mind seems to never want a break. Problem is, I never focus and set my mind to one thing. Maybe I have A.D.D? Heh. Most probably. That or I'm just impatient.
I just said bye to my mum again. I'm flying out to Malaysia tonight, and she's staying on till the end of the week. These farewells have become a little too common for me. And I hate that.Her presence here has taught me so much. I really do understand her and appreciate her better with time. But also with distance. When I realise that she's not going to be there when I come back....the thought just washes over me and I cry because I realise how fast life is moving, and how much expectation there is...either by the standards you set, or those that this modern age does. And I remember all my loved ones in Iraq,and Jordan, and Ireland and NZ, and Spain and I just want to sit them all in one room and drink in their words, and their smiles and their laughter. God my soul needs them.But it also needs this expereince. This loneliness. I am yet to learn about betrayal, and backstabbing, and jealousy and envy and heartbreak. I need to drown all that naivety and stop being spoilt. So I need to stay here and I need to persevere.
Then the morbid thoughts start swimming in my head - and I quickly try to drown them with positive notions. Still, they whisper - "what if this is the last time you see _____?". Fill in the blank. That's all life is sometimes isn't it? You trying to fill in the blanks.
I better get ready for the trip....I forgot how great Cat Empire is....here's two of my faves from them. Enjoy x
SOL Y SOMBRA - como mi alma.
I never understood what that meant, until I looked back on the past 3 years, in which, I've gotten nearly everything I have asked for. I feel so spoilt, and still I search. Being alone makes me think of so much I want to do. My mind seems to never want a break. Problem is, I never focus and set my mind to one thing. Maybe I have A.D.D? Heh. Most probably. That or I'm just impatient.
I just said bye to my mum again. I'm flying out to Malaysia tonight, and she's staying on till the end of the week. These farewells have become a little too common for me. And I hate that.Her presence here has taught me so much. I really do understand her and appreciate her better with time. But also with distance. When I realise that she's not going to be there when I come back....the thought just washes over me and I cry because I realise how fast life is moving, and how much expectation there is...either by the standards you set, or those that this modern age does. And I remember all my loved ones in Iraq,and Jordan, and Ireland and NZ, and Spain and I just want to sit them all in one room and drink in their words, and their smiles and their laughter. God my soul needs them.But it also needs this expereince. This loneliness. I am yet to learn about betrayal, and backstabbing, and jealousy and envy and heartbreak. I need to drown all that naivety and stop being spoilt. So I need to stay here and I need to persevere.
Then the morbid thoughts start swimming in my head - and I quickly try to drown them with positive notions. Still, they whisper - "what if this is the last time you see _____?". Fill in the blank. That's all life is sometimes isn't it? You trying to fill in the blanks.
I better get ready for the trip....I forgot how great Cat Empire is....here's two of my faves from them. Enjoy x
I had a plan
but never finished it
and I've been searching for the thought
and I've been searching in a haze
I try all days
to remember it
but now the blueprint in my mind has gone
my mind forgot the colour of direction
and my eyes they see the hands
that could have built
that could have constructed
the empire in my mind
the empire
I'll never find
I had a plan
but that was where it ended
SOL Y SOMBRA - como mi alma.
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