Time to be honest with myself now. The wheels of change are turning. Life owes you nothing. NOTHING. I have been pampered and spoilt my whole life. No matter how much I think I know - I know nothing of the world yet. Partly funded travel is not a hard life. I am still learning. I don't know the meaning of hard work. When things don't work out the way  I want - I give up. I run away. I've always done that. The only thing I have stuck with is Law...yes I've become stronger, less naive. Yes I am independent. But....this is it. You're forgetting God doesn't give too many chances.....

Thank you mum today for the tough love. You made me cry, but you also made me see what I need to. Yes we don't see eye to eye, but I know I argue with you because part of what you say is right. I am unhappy with myself - and that is why I react the way I do. I know you have your points that I will never understand, but it's too late for you to change. Not for me. This will be the tough year. I'm not here to find love, or party, or spend all my salary. I am certainly not here to just complain and ignore my blessings. But that's all I've done. I need balance - yes, but I need focus more. I chose this path, and I am blessed enough to have parents who have supported every choice I made. I am sick of my excuses - which I noticed myself repeating today:  I am doing this for them. Or I am like this because of my mum, or how she treats me. None of this is a fact. None of it is inherited. They are just excuses. They are easy to produce. I need to know real hard ship. All I've known is good luck, and fun. So what if I am alone. I need to know myself, and stand up for what I want. No body is going to give me that answer. Not a boyfriend, not a husband not my parents. I need to know what I want. Go for it. And If I don't, I need to make the most of where I am now. Try my hardest before giving up.

Second to last day with mum - listening to Fairuz over breakfast. I will miss this......