The first song I dedicate to my friend Hanan. Every decision you make is necessary and planned by something external to you. Even if you think it's not ;) 

Thanks for reading and recommending the song below. 

The second song is the soundtrack for my mind when I get so stressed. When I think of my happy place (s). Day dreams include: driving on a scooter in the streets of Havana, walking around mayan ruins and colorful markets in Mexico, and walking through my little street in Spain. Don't forget your energy. Don't forget the person who always picks you up when you're down. The person that helps you survive the day. YOU. And don't forget that these journeys happened for a reason. And don't forget to dance. We all have to struggle before getting to where we want to be. If you have everything handed to you - you will never appreciate what you have in your hand. A lesson I'm learning and learning to apply. Thank you Anna and Sheema xxx

Firstly - I miss my dad. It's hard when I see my parents again. Reminds me how good I had it back home, and how much growing up I still need to do.

I am not sharing with you a song today, but wonderful words I just read. I always felt bad for not keeping busy. For procrastinating. For being lazy and having a low attention span. I also confused keeping busy with not wanting to be lonely. Ofcoarse, I am slowly realizing the value of money - thanks to my dad's recent visit, and after having to live in 3 different cities over the last 4 years (lets count Spain out because I was largely supported by my father)...supporting myself is important. Anyway - I've avoided growing up so much - and now it's time to own my decisions. I talked to an old friend yesterday, who I had not talked to in so long. I love talking to people who know me inside out - they slap me in the face and tell me to stop complaining and just change if I want, but they love me the way I am. Its hard continuously making, and keeping up with new friends - so sometimes it's good just to not explain or try.

All that aside, please read the great article below.I am one of those people who want to say I'm busy just to look important. At the same time, at this time in my life - It helps me to keep busy, but I still try to make time for fun. And going out . It's all about balance I guess. I have to feel Like I've earnt my pay. As much as I would love to live a bohemian existence right now, I cant afford to keep being selfish and spoilt. What I can afford is giving myself some peace of mind and tranquillity  Not keeping brain busy with negative thoughts. Enjoy x

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap

Ok Fine, for those who do don't want to read - here's a song that's been on repeat x

Panda bear aka. my father, aka. my back bone, my light and shining star in life - is here for three days. Today we went to the mosque in Abu Dhabi again. We were joined by this guy who is Spanish and visiting from our office in Zurich. Sometimes I suggest the randomest things. Anyway it was cool. I never realised how amazing my dad is. I am so lucky to have him in my life, and yes - I thought at 27 I would be able to share my outings with my fiance or boyfriend, but they can come later. My dad and these precious moments that I get to spend with him wont be here forever, so I will savour every minute. I've missed him so much. If everything goes shit in my life , It will be ok - because God gave me the best dad in the world. Seriously.

I prayed again at the mosque. I forgot how important that part of my life was.

In the meantime - I am reminded of why I moved here. Mainly by dad. I want to make him more than anything, proud of me. Everything he is saying is true. I need to become more of a woman too. I feel this need to start being proud of who I am like alot of Arabic women. I need to take better care of my body and myself, this is the first step in getting to where I want to be. Concentrating on work is one thing - but learning to love who I am (which starts with more love and respect for me), is also another step. I am realizing more and more what I want. I need to become who I want to attract. Confident, ambitious, focused, healthy, honest, happy and kind. I want to attract these attributes in everything in my life.

On that note, I've started getting obsessed with Arabic singers, and old Italian glamour. I guess it sounds lame, but thats the kind of woman I want to be. I want to love who I am, but not take too much space (physically and metaphorically). I want to ooze femininity, and I don't want to doubt myself. I want to walk down the street - and I want people to look and say - I don't know if she's single, or a mother, or recently married, or poor, or successful - I want to know this woman.

Lame post, I know - but this is it. I am 27 and I want to start changing my lifestyle now. So that when I'm 30 or 35 or 40, I don't sit there and wish 'if only I had made a start then'. The long term benefits of being healthy, outweigh the short term benefits of eating shit food. I want to start with my body. I want to focus. I want to keep calm and carry on with my job. I want to be a better person - both inside out. God how many posts is it going to take before I actually apply this mantra? hah.

For now - I am good, but I know I am not yet my best. Tomorrow, I'll be one step closer.

Here's a picture I've made my desktop wallpaper to inspire my change. I make it my mission, that in November this year - I will take a picture similar to this - and post it on this blog. With those arms. That waist. Dammit it will happen.

Also - I couldn't stop thinking about my quicker than blowing out a flame fling. It's because I met him in Abu dhabi -and I kept listening to this stupid Arabic sad song. Anyway - I'm only thinking about that because I'm choosing to focus on the wrong things again, and nothing new in terms of boys I'm attracted to has come my way. God I'm impatient! haha.

Here's the song I had on repeat.

Time to take my heart off my sleeve.

I wear my heart on my sleeve 
Don't act like that's a disease
Need y'all to bear with me please
I just say what I see
We all just chasing a dream
In the land of the free
While we paying a fee
To stay on this concrete

Well, I don't know the price of your roof
But the first of the month we all pay our dues
When the rain falls it don't rain on a few
When the sun shine it don't shine just on you

I don't know the monsters you knew 
But I'm trying to forget the ones I met too 

Baby you could help me
Baby I could help you 

You look at me and you see what I see
Because your looking in the mirror 
When your with me there's no use in hiding
Because you're looking in the mirror

Baby baby baby don't look away 
Because you're looking in the mirror 
Cause maybe maybe maybe we're just the same 
Because you're looking in the mirror

We're all crossing paths
For a reason I know that
Hoping just to share some laughs hope avoid the broken glass
Have I met u in the past
In a life that I lived last 
Youknow they go too fast
God knows they go to fast

Girl in the park one day

Killing all the bugs on the pavement

Seems like she got a nasty streak

But she does it in a beautiful way

Like a bullet from a gun

She sparks and then she runs

The only thing she's sure of

Is that no one really understands

Sometimes ... talking about

Things just seem so strange

Lie awake in the lonely night

Things just seem so strange

Maybe it's all prearranged

Tears on an empty page

Look out the window see the full moon bloom and

This is what he says, Baby

Don't you worry

When you feel so lonely, cos

Everyone's lonely

They're all crazy too

Like their mothers

Like their fathers

Everyone's crazy

Under a lonely moon

Sometimes she gets this way

About her when she sways

Slips into a liquid tune

And vanishes away

And it's only for herself

She can't bring anyone else

Everyone's got a special box

That they keep on a dusty shelf

Such a beautiful dangerous thing

Beautiful and strange

Making love to the night itself

Beautiful and strange

Maybe it's all prearranged

Tears on an empty page

Look out the window see the full moon bloom and

This is what he says, Baby

Don't you worry

If people call you crazy, cos

Everyone's crazy

They're all lonely too

Like their mothers

Like their fathers

Everyone's crazy

Under a lonely moon

I just came back from my second business trip. I was in Kuala Lumpur - and I loved it. I guess everything seems luxurious post Nigeria!  I had a chance to meet up with my cousin, who is lovely, and I saw my niece for the very first time ever. Shes cute. I last saw my cousin with my mum, 4 years ago. She was just pregnant then (and 22). Oh life. It's moving so fast. 

I was on the trip with a work colleague. Upon first impressions, shes clearly someone who is addicted to tanning. And blonde. You might say she would be a materialistic and mean. Never thought I would say thanks to her,because I've come back a changed woman. She is such a doer. She really told me how it is, but more importantly, she led by example the whole trip. Every morning, I wanted to be lazy and complain and give up, and she used every opportunity to work hard. She's my age, and yes she has guys left right centre, but it comes from her confidence. And her confidence comes from the fact that she's always herself. And she works hard for everything in her life. And shes happy in the now. She has gone through her ups and downs, but as a person I don't know that well - we spent alot of time together in 5 days, and it was just what I needed. A semi objective opinion, based upon a series of first impressions. 

Out of everything I learnt this trip, I think she unintentionally made me realize me two very important things:

1) She heard me talk to my dad with a really bad tone in the morning, and then pulled me aside and told me I should not talk to my dad like that. This was pretty much a stranger who had noticed this....and I took it upon myself to realize what a spoilt B*** I can be sometimes. She had lost her dad, and she said 'you're lucky he even wants to talk to you!, even if he did call you so early in the morning!". Truth. Accepted. I called my dad and apologized. The sad part was that he had become so used to my tone, he didn't even notice. 

2) I wanted to sleep in and complain about how hard this job is every morning we where there. She shut me up, woke up at 7am and went to the gym. Every morning of the business trip. She wasted no opportunity. Then she sat me down, and we planned our day. It was jam packed from 9am to 7pm. Had I gone alone, I would have abused the free time completely  She works so hard, on her career, on her body, and on her as a genuine person. I know she has her issues too - and it's taken long for her to get here aswell - but shes here, and shes moving forward.  

Thanks to her I learnt the simple truth. In a world that owes you nothing, you have to give it your everything. 

Yet again, god is in the small things. The unexpected.  I had to get back on track, so the universe arranged for this trip. I needed to see someone like her in action. I needed this trip to re-focus. 

In short, Malaysia and March 2013 taught me to always Be yourself. Be nice. Be kind. Control your emotions. Stop giving yourself a hard time, when nobody else is. If you don't like something - change it. If you made a decision, stick to it and be grateful.


I heard this song as we were landing into Dubai. It put into words exactly how I feel about my current lifestyle with all the travelling! Not that I really know where home is at the moment. Anyway, I loved it. Enjoy xxx    

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

I never understood what that meant, until I looked back on the past 3 years, in which, I've gotten nearly everything I have asked for. I feel so spoilt, and still I search. Being alone  makes me think of so much I want to do. My mind seems to never want a break. Problem is, I never focus and set my mind to one thing. Maybe I have A.D.D? Heh. Most probably. That or I'm just impatient.

I just said bye to my mum again. I'm flying out to Malaysia tonight, and she's staying on till the end of the week. These farewells have become a little too common for me. And I hate that.Her presence here has taught me so much. I really do understand her and appreciate her better with time. But also with distance. When I realise that she's not going to be there when I come back....the thought just washes over me and I cry because I realise how fast life is moving, and how much expectation there is...either by the standards you set, or those that this modern age does. And I remember all my loved ones in Iraq,and Jordan, and Ireland and NZ, and Spain and I just want to sit them all in one room and drink in their words, and their smiles and their laughter. God my soul needs them.But it also needs this expereince. This loneliness. I am yet to learn about betrayal, and backstabbing, and jealousy and envy and heartbreak. I need to drown all that naivety and stop being spoilt. So I need to stay here and I need to persevere.

Then the morbid thoughts start swimming in my head - and I quickly try to drown them with positive notions. Still, they whisper - "what if this is the last time you see _____?". Fill in the blank. That's all life is sometimes isn't it? You trying to fill in the blanks.

I better get ready for the trip....I forgot how great Cat Empire is....here's two of my faves from them. Enjoy x

I had a plan

but never finished it

and I've been searching for the thought

and I've been searching in a haze

I try all days

to remember it

but now the blueprint in my mind has gone

my mind forgot the colour of direction

and my eyes they see the hands

that could have built

that could have constructed

the empire in my mind

the empire

I'll never find

I had a plan

but that was where it ended

SOL Y SOMBRA  - como mi alma.